Thursday, December 31, 2009

It's the knocking of my knees that bothers me most.

Well God, here we are at the end of another year, another decade.  i think it's no understatement that this past decade, and specifically this last year, that have probably been the hardest.  What bugs me, though, about saying that is it's also these past 10 years that i returned to the path you set out before me.

As You very well know, God, that i spent the prior 25 years away from You.  We had more money and less financial troubles.  Our relationships were, it felt like, much more healthier.  At least then it didn't seem like my family was falling apart.

What does that all mean?  Why have the last 10 years been so freakin' hard?  What is it in me that has brought this on my family and myself?  What could i have done different?

i pray God that i don't use this as an excuse to turn away from You again.  i KNOW the right thing is to stay on this path and see where it goes.  i just need you to keep showing me the next step.  No, i'm DEPENDING on you to show me that next step because i don't have the courage to go blindly into whatever direction my heart tells me to.  Maybe that's what You've been needing from me all along, huh?

With great apprehension i'm looking forward to the new year/decade but as with all time-related things, i can't hold it off.  i'm just hoping it's not more of the same.

Thank You, God, for ever-watching out for me and my family and all the blessings you have reigned down on us.



laters.(see you next year)

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